While at the clinic with my friend the Naturopath discussing
diet related issues, he recommended this title. We have a nice relation and
exchange points of views and new findings; our meeting is not one of a regular patient-doctor
meeting but more of a friendship built on common interests.
.
The title sounded cheesy, but I promised him to take a look.
When my monthly credit at audible became available I researched quickly the
title and found that the book is best seller with over 8 million copies and translated
into 38 languages. Being a sucker for stats I went for it.
The book is read by the author which makes it more personal.
Gary Chapman is not a story teller but it is his book and that always adds a special
touch as to when you hear it from the source.
.
The book is pretty simple and at times I questioned its
effectiveness. It claims that we all express and receive love/appreciation in
different ways, and we have one primary way which if not fulfilled, one may feel
something is missing regardless of all actions taken by the other person(s).
.
The five languages are:
•
Words of affirmation
• Quality
Time
• Acts of
Service
• Physical
touch
•
Gifts
Quick explanation of each:
“Words of affirmation” is kind words, supportive words of
one’s action. “Quality Time” is the need to sit and talk with no distractions, “Act
of Service” show to the other person you are doing physically what he/she
likes, could be as simple as buttoning a shirt or picking up the garbage or mowing
the grass on regular basis, “Physical Touch” as it implies is anything from a
hug, hand touch, massage, back rub... etc, “Gifts” are the gifts you receive/provide
on regular basis, they don’t need to be expensive but enough to have a personal
touch such as a flower or simple note.
.
As Gary started listing situations related to each language I
started thinking of what is my own language, what is the language of people
around me. For example, I figured my language is “Quality of time”, while my wife’s
is “Words of affirmation” and “Physical touch”, both are not high on my list. This
drew exclamations from both of us at times of why one is not doing these things
to the other. I took it further to my children, Jad did not really take hugging
and kissing as Rand, my second son did. Rand always loved physical touch; he
actually demanded (and still do) he gets a back rub before doing chores.
.
By the time the book finished I realize this is a life
changer. Not only for partners and children but for everyone and in different situations.
For example, if you understand why you feel more relaxed or satisfied with one
person and not with another, it could simply be that you naturally share the
same language(s) and doesn’t mean one person is better than the other or more fit
for you than the other.
.
The traits or languages for your partner, friends or
children may not be organic for you but could be learned and if practiced on regular
basis can make a whole lot of difference.
.
Gary, introduced other titles related to these languages with
focus on teenagers, singles and lately “at the work place”.
.
Eventually I hope to go through more of his books, but the
foundation can be well understood from this book alone, and as the saying “Practice
makes perfect”, this is one more practice item to add to the list.
Mounir
https://twitter.com/MounirAswad
#BookReview
#thefivelanguagesoflove
#relations
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